Internet Slams Husband Loaning Money to Wife and ‘Expecting Gratitude’

A woman has shared her frustration online after her husband lent her money to pay for something she had made it clear she couldn’t afford, and then expected her to be grateful.

In a post on the popular discussion site Mumsnet, user Lindasllama posted about her “husband lending me money and expecting gratitude.” She wrote: “At the end of last month I mentioned I had just had my car cleaned and noticed a few scratches on it. My husband said to take it to John’s garage and he will sort it out.”

A good friend of her husband, John took a look at her car and a few days later said he would take it in for the work. He quoted her more than $290 to fix the damage.

“I thanked him and said I would be in touch soon as it’s not in the budget this month, but could possibly be next month,” she explained.

After this, her husband joined the conversation and asked about a few other scratches on the car, around the boot, and on the passenger side.

A file photo of a stressed couple arguing about money while looking at a bill. A wife has sparked debate online after sharing how her husband expected her to be thankful for a loan for something that she had made it clear she couldn’t afford.
fizkes/Getty Images

“I said its not in my budget to have it all done as I can’t afford and there are many more bills and expenses ahead of polishing my car,” she wrote: “My husband said, ‘don’t worry about the money. ,’ and just get it done.”

While she continued to disagree about the money, her husband spoke to John and said he had arranged to get the work done and then told his wife again not to worry about the money.

“I say thank you and book it in,” explained the Mumsnet user. When she went to collect her newly fixed car, the bill was just over $400. “My husband gave me the cash and asked, ‘when am I going to get this back? You need to tell me the repayment plan’,” explained the wife.

“I am furious as I didn’t want it done now as I can’t afford it! I am so hacked off with him. He is fuming with me because I am ungrateful.”

Furious that her husband had forced a debt on her that she was unable to pay, the Mumsnet user asked the internet if she was being unreasonable.

Struggling With the Bills

“Am I an ungrateful cow who now has a lovely shiny car but may not be able to pay all my bills next month?” she asked.

In 2017, Ramsey Solutions, a leading company in financial education, conducted a study of more than 1,000 US adults to gain an understanding of personal finance behavior and attitudes. They found that money is the number one issue that couples fight about, and the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.

They found that 86 percent of couples who got married in the last five years started out in debt, and 63 percent of those with $50,000 or more in debt feel anxious about talking about their personal finances.

But good money communication seems to be key to a good marriage, as 94 percent of respondents who say they have a “great” marriage regularly discuss their money dreams with their spouse.

Adding more context, the poster explained that the couple has entirely separate finances, and they also live in different houses: “We are 12 years married and in separate homes for the last few years. It may sound strange but it works for us,” she said.

She then explained: “My husband has always been very secretive with money. I also now think he was just showing off in front of his mates. Looking to be the benevolent husband paying for his wife’s car…”

With more than 200 replies from other Mumsnet users, commenters were quick to jump to the woman’s side and agree with her. “I wouldn’t be paying this back at all. He offered, you said no and he insisted,” said one reply on the viral post.

Another commenter wrote: “Just tell him when he said ‘don’t worry about the money’, that meant he was paying for it. Don’t pay him a penny.”

“I would take it back to the garage and ask your husband’s good friend John to put the scratches back because you can’t afford them and thought your dear husband was paying,” said one Mumsnet user.

One reply said: “He offered to pay for it. End of. If that is the end of the marriage, then it’s a marriage that needs to be ended. I wouldn’t even fight with him.”

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